The Misophonic Catch-22

The Misophonic Catch-22

Experiencing misophonia/misokinesia is extremely difficult and painful. Besides for the anger and rage that is often elicited by triggering sounds or sights, there is a particularly dark and lonely place that is familiar to individuals with misophonia. I call that place—or experience—the misophonic catch-22.

What’s that?

In psychology, we often look at three domains: behavioral, emotional, and cognitive. Each one of these domains influences each other. To understand the misophonic catch-22 we will focus on the emotional and cognitive facets. It’s is very important to appreciate that while these two domains influence each other, they often send very conflicting messages. That is, we can look at a situation and grasp it on a logical/cognitive level, but our emotions tell us something very different.

With this backdrop let us look at a common interaction experienced by someone suffering with misophonia. When someone is triggered by someone very dear to them— a spouse, partner, sibling, or parents—they feel strong anger toward the person. Perhaps even hatred. This might involve feelings of wanting to punish the person in return. That is all happening on the emotional level. The mind, however, might say something very different. It can try to be more logical about the situation. It can say things along the lines of “I know that you do not intend to trigger me and you’re just going about eating, drinking, or breathing.” (Or any other trigger.) The rational mind can perceive that people are not intentionally triggering, but it still does not feel that way.

And the rational mind ultimately can still wonder: If these sounds hurt me so much, can’t he/she just not make them? In truth, that is a very difficult question, because many people often are not very willing to stop doing the activities that are part of the daily routine.

Hence, the misophonic catch-22. While there may be a genuine effort to understand and accept the triggering situation, the sounds still feel like and assault, leaving the person under siege. It feels like there is nowhere to go.

An important step in recovering from misophonia is being understanding and compassionate towards oneself. I always tell my patients to appreciate that misophonia is not a cognitive problem. It’s not as if someone logically decided that certain eating sounds should be infuriating and then chose to feel anger. Indeed, people often first develop misophonia years before one’s cognitive capabilities are fully developed. The difficulty is happening on an emotional level. Hence, much of the therapy is centered and focused on that domain.

The good news is that misophonia is not a true catch-22.

There is a way out.